So You Got A Scientist, Part I: Care and Feeding

Why get a scientist? If you are a technical company, your meetings with other companies will involve many kinds of hooey. You are probably very good at business hooey, but you may have found that the technical hooey your engineers provide is not sufficiently intimidating, or that your consultants' hooey is too expensive. An in-house scientist can provide you with a never-ending source of exotic nonsense. Your task is to direct this enthusiastic fountain of physics fanfiction to create products.Upon arrival, your scientist will inspect your facilities and then probably request large sums of money. Money is a regrettable necessity, but some care is called for here. Scientists have been known to use money to dig giant holes in the ground and fill them with rows of oddly shaped metal objects, like clay soldiers in a Chinese tomb. The best approach is to suggest that the scientist personally build whatever he needs. This may be met with some grumbling about technicians and machinists, but trust me, he does his own oil changes. Scientist are professional dilettantes, having just enough manual skills to get by in almost any activity. Restrict him to the McMaster-Carr catalog, and you won't go broke.Ta-daa!