2/14/2012: Engaged in historical revisionism
2/14/2012: Converted his profile to Timeline
1/8/2012: Posted a status telling someone to go to hell, which Timeline interpreted as a visit to Hell, Michigan
12/24/2011: Accidentally typed the name of a porn site into the status posting box instead of the browser search box
11/28/2011: Posted a picture whose zoomed-and-centered thumbnail looks like an elephant having sex with a tank
10/31/2011: Was checked in to a gym, a church, two bars, and a strip club on the same day, with the same friends
8/3/2010: Drunkenly tagged himself in several photos he wasn't in, attaching his name to several women's crotches
2/14/2010: Looked at his Timeline and contemplated an infinitely self-referential future where everything is recursive
7/22/2009: Joined a group he's not interested in, to impress a girl he met at a party the night before, who had given him a fake phone number, which he never called
6/11/2009: Was tagged in a status whose first words were "Hey assholes..."
2/4/2009: Posted a link, which is now broken, to an argument, which is long forgotten, over an event which was predicted but never actually happened
5/28/2008: Posted a status update excitedly declaring that he was out drinking, which Facebook geotagged at his mother's house
1/1/2008: Wished someone a happy birthday on the fake birthdate that they typed in when they opened their account
10/6/2008: Publically acknowledged friendship with several dozen high school classmates he doesn't remember, including several who don't remember him, including two who attended a school of the same name in another state
9/27/2008: Joined Facebook
9/26/2008: Left AOL
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