These Manolo Blahniks cost $300. ** No way, that's my car payment!
Well, they're well made, how long are you going to own them? **
How many times a year would you wear them, like to parties and maybe even work? ***
So how many dollars per wearing does that come out to?
That's totally affordable! It's like my Starbucks habit! ****
** Maybe, but they'll be unfashionable by then.
*** Farfetched. A gross exaggeration.
**** These shoes aren't cheap - and neither is your Starbucks habit.
The male version goes like this:
This bottle of Balvenie Portwood costs $140. ++ I work for a living. Most of the guys that drink this don't.
Then don't mix it with Coke, dumbass. How many ounces are in a bottle? ++
How many one-ounce drinks can you get out if it? +++
So how much is it per drink? ++++
Bonus round: How much would you pay for one drink of that in a bar? +++++
That's a BARGAIN. ++++++
++ 25, FYI.
+++ 25, but you know that's not happening.
++++ Ahem. $5.60.
+++++ $25. I was once billed--true story--$40 for a Scotch I was told was $20. I had finished the drink but I almost returned it anyway.
++++++ Maybe, if you keep it locked in a safe whose combination you can only remember when you're sober.
I just went to the movies in cargo shorts, Ferragamo penny loafers that cost more than the tires on my car and a t-shirt with a stain. I'm too cheap to pay for movie popcorn but I'll be damned if my feet roll in anything but Italia's best.
ReplyDeleteThere is unfortunately no such thing as "wine math". The bottle usually ends up costing more than the dinner it accompanies.
ReplyDeleteHow about quit-smoking math? It's easy. Nicotine gum costs 3 X what cigs cost. I think we have some Southern ag state senators to thank for that. In London it's cheaper than Wrigley's and smokes are $10.
ReplyDeleteYesterday a co-worker asked me what brand my sneakers were. "Prada." "Prada as in PRADA Prada? At work?" "Yes". This is a reasonable question to ask a man patching a wet vac in a pool of caustic solvent.
ReplyDelete