Shoe math

Shoe math, def.: A mathematical exercise done to justify the purchase of shoes, in this case by women. Example:
These Manolo Blahniks cost $300. *
Well, they're well made, how long are you going to own them? **
How many times a year would you wear them, like to parties and maybe even work? ***
So how many dollars per wearing does that come out to?
That's totally affordable! It's like my Starbucks habit! ****
* No way, that's my car payment!
** Maybe, but they'll be unfashionable by then.
*** Farfetched. A gross exaggeration.
**** These shoes aren't cheap - and neither is your Starbucks habit.

The male version goes like this:
This bottle of Balvenie Portwood costs $140. +
Then don't mix it with Coke, dumbass. How many ounces are in a bottle? ++
How many one-ounce drinks can you get out if it? +++
So how much is it per drink? ++++
Bonus round: How much would you pay for one drink of that in a bar? +++++
That's a BARGAIN. ++++++
+ I work for a living. Most of the guys that drink this don't.
++ 25, FYI.
+++ 25, but you know that's not happening.
++++ Ahem. $5.60.
+++++ $25. I was once billed--true story--$40 for a Scotch I was told was $20. I had finished the drink but I almost returned it anyway.
++++++ Maybe, if you keep it locked in a safe whose combination you can only remember when you're sober.